This is going to be harder than I thought

I've finally arrived at Fuller. I drove down to LA last Sunday in my friend's car (it's the same car that I've been driving for this past month). They let me borrow it for this quarter. Major props to them! I really appreciated their generosity to me. It gives me more time to find a car or move closer to school and forego owning a car. We'll see what happens.

My current accomodations are great! I'm renting a room in a single family house in a gated community. It's got a gym, basketball & tennis courts, swimming pool, and a clubhouse. It's like I'm living in a resort! I love it! The commute is about 1 hr in the morning and about 40 min coming home depending on time and traffic. I have to go through downtown LA, which gets really congested because people are going in and out of there for work. It's not that bad of a commute. Sure, I'd love for it to be shorter and smoother but hey, that's just how it goes. No worries.

My first week at Fuller has been really challenging (and I haven't even started my classes yet!). I'm commuting and not living amongst other Fuller students so I feel like I'm missing out on the constant action amongst those who live close to school. I'm getting adjusted to going back to school. It turns out most of the new students are straight out graduates from undergrad so they're between the ages of 22-24. I feel really old compared to these guys. Many of them also come from private Christian schools. They seem to either be from the northwest or Minnesota. And I'd say about 80% of them are white. I think that's been the biggest shocker.

I didn't expect Fuller to be lacking in such racial diversity. It was a real big expecation of mine that it would be. And also, I am coming from Hong Kong where for the past 2.5 years I was amongst people who look like me. It was a real neat thing living in a place where I looked like everyone else because that just doesn't happen here in America. For once in my life, I fit in racially.

So here I am, 28 years old, I worked in a non-ministry profession for three years and did two years of ministry, I've lived abroad for 2.5 years, am American-born-Chinese so I live with two cultures inside me, went to public schools all of my life, and have travelled and seen many different parts of this world. I don't feel like I can connect with my classmates because I keep thinking that I'm so different from them and how, just how will they connect with me? Do they want to connect with me? Geez, I've already jokingly been called "old" a few times this week. Wonderful, just wonderful. At this point, I contemplate foregoing trying to build any relationships with my classmates and just burying myself in my books these next two or three years. But really, how could I do that? Don't get me wrong, everyone's really nice and we are all there to learn and grow so we do have that common bond. I'm lucky that I already have friends from university who live here in LA now and with whom I'll be able to reconnect with. Plus, I can always escape to San Diego to see my beloved familia.

I believe the Lord has led me into the wilderness these next few years. I think he's really going to work me over some and do some healing inside me as well. I think of this verse a lot now:

Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.
-Deuteronomy 8.2

I think he's going to do exactly that to me for these next few years. He's going to get into more places in my life that I need to be tested and worked on. It's going to be hard. But, at least I know this is the place that I need to be. I do not regret coming here and leaving Hong Kong. I know the Lord has things in store for me here but it will take some serious work, heartache and perseverence to get through. I also know that the Lord is with me and goes before me as well. Sorry if this post is a bit scatter-brained but I can't say that I've got it all together right now.

Thanks to all of you who've posted comments. I really appreciate hearing your thoughts and knowing that you're reading my entries. It means a lot to me.

Peace be with you.